With the holidays coming up, remember not to take gatherings with your loved ones for granted. No matter if you celebrate or not, the time we have now to gather, rejoice, celebrate and love one another openly is not something our ancestors got to enjoy. With that being said, surely everyone is thinking of their winter plans and Thanksgiving, Christmas shopping, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah celebrations.. But there is another thing everyone should be prepared for that is far less talked about and often avoided: the occasion of death.
Very seldom do we plan for dying. How expensive it is, what funeral home we will use, how our bodies will be handled; whether that be burial, cremation, body donation or something in between. This is a very grisly and uncomfortable topic, albeit an important one. Back before slaves were allowed to congregate and have funerals, Black people were silently buried in the middle of the night, away from prying eyes, in unmarked graves. Slaves were prohibited from gathering in groups of 4 or more. Oftentimes, they weren’t allowed to be openly mourned for, and it was against the law for slaves to give loved ones a proper burial. Up until the Civil War, Black bodies were disregarded, something to gawk at, an object to poke, prod, and evaluate. The bodies of Black fallen Union soldiers were not allowed to be taken to the same funeral homes as those of their white counterparts.
Black funeral homes were a staple in many communities, a place where loved ones could come to grieve the way they needed to, usually in the joyous fashion of our ancestors where death was a homegoing celebration, a way to celebrate freedom from bondage. The formation of Burial Societies guaranteed that Black folks had an opportunity to openly grieve and be with their communities during the hardest times of their lives. Burial Societies would raise money for burials with donations and fundraisers, and provide a space for people to come together not only to celebrate the homegoing of their loved ones, but to also talk about the oppression, and hateful policies they so despised.
The funeral industry was one of the first viable types of entrepreneurship, debuting after the end of slavery. These funeral homes often took care of many generations of Black families. Even with the high price tag of end of life services, price adjustments were often made. Unfortunately, with the emergence of corporate funeral homes, there are not as many Black owned funeral homes anymore. Many of these funeral homes are being bought out, ending family business legacies, thwarting many Black families’ access to such an important part of the community, in a space of familiarity and trust.
According to a report by the National Funeral Directors Association, the current national median cost of funeral services, with viewing and burial, adds up to about $8,300.
So, during your holiday celebrations, have the hard talks. One of the hardest parts of life is death, and grief. After hundreds of years of silently grieving, being buried in unmarked graves, turned away from white funeral homes, we finally have more opportunities than we ever have before to have our dying wishes made. There is little worse than not having a plan and trying to scrape everything together when in the throes of grief.